Yet, this is my private place and I should be able to write how I feel about the recent events taking place in my life. Bah. It's an endless cycle and I'm just about to step off. Why have I been gone? Why did I start the new year ignoring my desire to blog with regularity?
On December 31st, 2010, my Grandmother passed away. It wasn't a big surprise to anyone. Her health has declined rather rapidly in the year 2010. But it was a bit of a shock to the system to spend our first Christmas without Grandma this year. And it was an even bigger shock to start our new year knowing we would be burying our Grandma within a few days.
Something interesting about my Grandma's passing? She died at exactly 12:00am on December 31st. I think it's a good thing, in a way. She died exactly 24 hours before the ringing in of the new year. It almost seemed like her passing wiped our slate clean for the new year. All of her pain and the difficulty of watching her struggle -- first through colon cancer, and then with advanced dementia -- stayed behind in 2010 and didn't get to tarnish the new, crisp 2011.
Grandma lived to see the very end of 2010. It hurts my heart that she's gone. It hurts my heart that losing his Great-Grandmother happened to my son before he really knew her.
I don't like when people turn the dead into perfect saints. But there are many good things to say of my Grandmother. She was a true lady. The perfect 1950's housewife. She believed in serving others before herself. She scarcely took time for herself. She was most concerned with making everyone, especially guests, most comfortable.
She was the woman who would make her stubborn grand-daughter some lunch every day on time. She was the woman who laid out her children's clothes, and swept the house daily. She pulled weeds in her yard and spent a deal of time watering it the "old-fashioned" way every day. She never spoke loudly to anyone and I've never seen her speak ill-words of anyone, even those she clearly wasn't impressed with.
She wasn't the kind of Grandma you could get up and cuddle with, but she showed everyone love through acts of service. She was a beautiful soul. Even if she did keep to herself a lot.
She had the most magical collection of toys for us grandkids. I remember her really old (and ugly) reclining chair and behind it was these "hidden" bookcases with treasures for us all. I remember how every time we visited her, we'd sit behind her chair and read books quietly. Happy as could be! I remember the tall rubbermaid containers full of toys and figures.
I'm so incredibly sad that pain was the path to the end for her. I'm so heart-broken that my son and my mate didn't get to know her like I did. I'm sad that the people I love the most in my life won't ever know her. But I'm so relieved that she's got peace again. That she's not scared of shadows and of her own family.
I have small pieces of her. Her own treasures that I was kindly gifted with. She'll live on in my heart and through her adorable figurines that I'll proudly and safely display. I have memories. Most recently of my beautiful son and how his short life has been impacted by "great-grandma".
I love you Grandma. Thank you for taking such graceful care of me. Thank you for never judging my lifestyle and my decisions, even though they were of direct contrast to yours. Thank you for being you. You will be missed. You are so precious to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment